(OT) Praise/rant/etc #9 (Duluth edition)

[Eye of Hoffs]

It's lucky that you are reading this at all. While starting to write it I was accosted by a particularly annoying fly, the same one that had attacked me the previous evening. Drastic action was called for so I folded my shirt up and tried to splat it. After numerous fails, resulting in various bruises on Caroline's leg and a a nearly broken picture on the wall, I switched to something with less force but a quicker delivery - a pair of my underpants. And this time it went down straight away. I must pack my lethal plastic bug swatter next time.

Our first day in Duluth started, as ever, with the dreaded breakfast. The hotel selection featured such healthy American fare as doughnuts and muffins, and the wheat bread which I may have considered trying to toast was replaced here by a horrific sounding apple & cinnamon one. At least we had our own tea which we had brewed in the room and I made do with a banana bought from a store the previous day. I don't want to labour the point about breakfast, but let it be known that I am now kneeling in protest before all NFL games that I watch. On the plus side, the awful deformity on my face had subsided considerably although it had now spread a little to under my eye making it seem like the ghost of Sugar Ray Robinson had returned to exact revenge on anyone 'dissing' his first name.

My only real knowledge of Duluth before this trip was from reading Peanuts cartoons as a child. I seem to remember that Charile Brown told Snoopy that he couldn't write a novel about a private detective who came from there. All the guidebooks had talked about how cold the city is compared with surrounding areas, indeed Mark Twain had once supposedly quipped that "the coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in Duluth." But we have been lucky as it's been very warm during our stay. Travelling down in the daylight, the city struck me as a curious mix of New York with its steaming sidewalks and mini Statue of Liberty but minus the car horns and skyscrapers, San Francisco with its sloped streets but without the bridge and cable cars trams trolley things, and London with its clock and Westminster chimes but without proper tea or breakfasts. Oh, and it also bore a striking resemblance to Meaneapolis (see pictures).

We would have gone to one of the nearby diners for breakfast instead but we were keen to head down to the docks in order to try and get on the morning harbour cruise. After arriving at the cruise office we learned to our disappointment that they were all booked up on that sailing, which only runs on weekends. There was a longer one in the evening, a dinner one, but Caroline said that there was no way I would like the menu.

"I might," I protested indignantly. But when we looked at it I immediately saw the words "garlic mashed potato" and the alarms and sirens started sounding in my head. "I won't like the menu," I told her.

So we settled for one of the shorter afternoon cruises but made it for the Monday when it should hopefully be less busy. We then switched to plan B, a look around the preserved freighter William A. Irvin which was moored nearby. This was one of the ore carriers which plied the lake for forty years until it became obsolete. It was quite advanced and revolutionary when it was built back in 1938 but at the end of its life was superseded by ones that could carry almost six times the cargo at much faster speeds. It was much the same, but a little smaller, than the later Edmund Fitzgerald which famously broke apart in a severe storm in 1975 with the loss of all hands. We got an interesting hour-long tour of the vessel and the most surprising thing I heard from the guide was that you could not drink the lake water if shipwrecked even though it is not salty, a fact that I have not been able to substantiate though.

After that it was time for lunch where I was hoping to catch the Dolphins playing. We went to the "Sports Garden", which seemed to be another of Grandma's establishments, but the only games they were showing were the two network ones. Not wanting to spend the afternoon trawling every dive in the city looking for the NFL Sunday Ticket we decided to stop there and watch the first quarter of Dallas versus Washington. I noticed when we had finished that Miami were already down 14-0, so it was perhaps just as well that I hadn't seen it. At least they are playing Cleveland next week so there is every chance of a first victory.

Foregoing the rest of the afternoon's NFL action we headed down to the North Shore Scenic Railroad, a preserved section of line that operates along part of the coast and provides excursion rides. First stop was a visit to the museum which holds lots of railway memorabilia and various locomotives and rolling stock from times past. One dining car harked back to a more civilized age before America descended into its current barbarous state: a preserved menu clearly indicated that tea was served by the pot. There were numerous model railway scenes dotted around and buttons you could press to start some of the trains moving, but only one that I tried actually worked.

We then boarded the Duluth Zephyr for a ride up part of the track, selecting a table in the observation car. Unfortunately being a Sunday the car was pretty full and we were joined at the table by others. This meant a bit of socializing with strangers was called for, something neither of us is very comfortable with or good at. They were a fairly young couple who lived north of the Twin Cities, but she was actually from Alaska and bemoaned the fact that she had been dragged down here by her husband but assuring us that they would be returning to live up north in the not too distant future. She also took offense when the female attendant, who claimed to be an ex-marine, came along to take drink orders and the younger girl asked if they had restrooms in the car.

"Yes we do," said the attendant, "although my mother always told me to go before we set off."

The train spent a couple of minutes backing out of the station and then we headed out onto the main line and were soon full steam (actually diesel) ahead at just over walking pace. A speaker then crackled and a canned narration began pointing out various sites along the way. Once we were out of downtown the narrator began extolling the beauty of the fall foliage we were witnessing and what actually makes the leaves turn those colours. The only problem was that pretty much every tree we could see was still stubbornly green. Then came the oh-so-charming moment when the speaker was interrupted by a phone call. Who could that be? Why, it was Mayor Emily who had taken time out to ring in and welcome us to her great city. She was hoping we were enjoying the spectacular autumn colours and she would see us on the Lake Walk that was running next to the line. Oh, and remember to vote for her in the next election.

Turning to the couple opposite I noted that the girl was quite a pretty young thing really, at least if you ignored the five-month mound on her belly which came of not listening to what her mother had told her about taking adequate precautions. So I decided to try my hand at some suave and sophisticated conversation, making sure to casually hide the hideous visage of the left side of my face.

"What do you miss most about your home state," I asked.

"Oh," she replied, "that I could just walk right out of my back yard and start shooting things."

"Uh-huh", I acknowledged understandingly, hastily turning my attention back to the window and the Segways that were overtaking us on the Lake Walk.

After around half an hour or so and what must have been nigh on two miles we reached the turning around point of this particular trip, although the line extended further for those that had a few weeks to spare. The narrator directed our attention to another track next to the train, which he termed a siding but we would call a passing loop, and carefully explained how the diesel would now decouple from the train, move around to the other end using this siding, and then couple back on and pull us back home, which would be much better than pushing us. Wow, I'm so glad that they explained that complicated procedure, I would have no idea what was going on otherwise. With the tense shunting manoeuvres completed we headed back to the city centre, the young man cheering as he pointed out in the distance the first yellow tree that had been seen.

With the train ride over and the shock of all the human interaction behind us we had a couple of hours to kill until dinner and decided to drop in at a cinema which we had passed along the way to see what was on. We had never heard of any of them but one was clearly a sequel to The Blair Witch Project and Caroline wanted to see it. As I consider the original probably the most over-hyped film of all time, and not liking the shaky camera style of cinematography, it was a good chance to take a nap. But there were two interesting things about the whole visit:

Firstly the small backpack we carry around with us was confiscated. I don't remember that happening before. I assume it was some anti-terrorism thing but there wouldn't have been much opportunity for us to create a bloodbath as there were only three others in the auditorium. I had taken out my insulin and blood sugar testing kit just in case but we realised once we had sat down that Caroline's purse was in the pack including several hundred dollars, which was a bit unsettling. The second thing was that after the film had ended and I decided to visit the stressrooms. I noted that not only was there a men's and women's but also, and this was something of a rub-your-eyes-to-make-sure-you-are not-hallucinating moment, a unisex one?? *blank stare*

We finished the day with a second visit to Grandma's where the message had obviously got through and we were shown directly to a table. I decided to have steak for a change. But the writing was on the wall for Grandma's now as I saw the hot tea selection on the menu: Peppermint, Earl Grey, Orange, Chai, Darjeeling, Green, Pomegranate & raspberry, Chamomile. *glares*

Monday dawned bright and warm and we began with a visit to a local diner. I thought they were heading for a Hoffs' food award when I saw that they were using teapots but they blew it by not putting anything hot inside them. After that we spent the morning walking a few miles along the Lake Walk which was very nice indeed given the weather. We saw no sign of Mayor Emily however.

In the afternoon we finally set sail on that cruise of the harbour. Our tour narrator seemed either to be new to the job or else he'd had a pretty bad night as his speech was not always particularly flowing like they usually are on this sort of thing. A lot of the time he was evidently not closing the microphone so you could faintly hear what he was saying to others in the wheel house.

"So coming up on our right side is...what is that?"

"Coming up on either our right or our left...I dunno this boat confuses me."

"And coming up on the loading dock we have one of the rare birds seen in this area - the red necked crane!" followed by a minute of hysterical laughter, "Oh that cracks me up."

With Grandma exiled to a retirement home we dined at a place called Grizzly's instead. It was the worst of uncivilized America as our ciders were delivered in just opened bottles and we didn't like to enrage the rednecks by asking for glasses. As it was to be our final night in Minnesota I decided to really push the boat out and plumped for the steak.

Pictures of the day
1) A typical Minnesota city scene.

2) "It's Hoffsey at the throttle of the Cannonball Express."

3 & 4) Typical Lake Walk views.

[CharGar]

I noted that not only was there a men's and women's but also, and this was something of a rub-your-eyes-to-make-sure-you-are not-hallucinating moment, a unisex one?? *blank stare*

We have had these in the states for years!  It started out to be a restroom where a father can take a daughter or a mother can take a son.   I'm guessing it has other purposes now. 

[CharGar]

And in addition, Miami will be 0-3 come Sunday.   

[Razz]

And in addition, Miami will be 0-3 come Sunday.   

You know they have started out slow but I still think they have a good chance to make it to the playoffs this year. The team is strong and there is a lot of people supporting them since there really isn't any other sports going on in that area to mention.

Wait, we are talking about the University of Miami Collegiate Ping Pong arn't we? Must be.

[Ian James]

Here in progressive Massachusetts, they are now referred to as "gender neutral" bathrooms.

[Lore Denin]

   I'm guessing it has other purposes now. 

  Change babies! My wife and I use them to make babies.  Really takes some of the stress picking which bathroom we should sneak into and the endless debate which bathroom is more sanitary.

Lore

[Ian James]

Lol!


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