(OT) Praise/rant/etc #7 [weekend edition]

[Eye of Hoffs]

Thursday began well. We made a visit to the International Wolf Center, those probably being my favourite animals. The Center is an educational and research institution which aims to give anyone who will listen proper information about the species and not some of the inaccurate garbage which is often to be found elsewhere, particularly the entertainment industry. They have various displays and presentations on the animals but of greatest interest are the pack of a half dozen wolves they keep, all of various subspecies which have come to them from other accredited facilities. They don't breed any themselves, just care for the ones that come their way up until they die. Part of the wolves' territory is visible from the windows of the Center and the animals have been raised from cubs to not be afraid of humans as they be would in the wild. They are generally not very active late morning and most of the afternoon, but arriving as we did at 10am we were able to see them running around outside for a while before they disappeared into their lairs for a long siesta. The most interesting piece of information that I learned from the talk given by the...wolfologist I suppose...was that as wolves age they eventually become stressed by the other, mostly younger, members of the family and leave to pursue a solitary existence for the remainder of their days.

"I know exactly how they must feel," I said to Caroline. She just growled back.

The next stop was to be Soudan Mine, which at the end of its life in the 60s was donated by the owners to the state of Minnesota to serve as a museum. Now Caroline is fascinated by mines and will go down [a mine] at every opportunity. To me a hole is a hole is a hole, and a big man-made cave in the ground in Minnesota is pretty much the same as one in any other state or any other country come to that. But I guess that is the quid pro quo for a visit to Hooters so hi ho, hi ho, it was off to the caverns we go. But getting there took a good deal longer than it should as the Evil Queen had seemingly magically realigned the direction signs and choosing the right path was a bit of a lottery (see pictures). We eventually found our way to the enchanted pithead a little after noon. The place was eerily quiet except for the faint swishing of the wind, a bit like one of those movies where the townsfolk are all ghosts or demons. According to the flyers the tours ran from 10am until 4pm but we were told by the girl at the desk that the next one would not be starting for almost another two hours at 2pm. Fearing some satanic trap, or even worse an appearance by the Seven Dwarves, we decided not to hang around and instead continue our journey east.

That journey was via a scenic byway which began in the town of Aurora. There we stopped for lunch and it was clear that we were now in the real mid-west. We stepped into a diner and the ageing waitress asked us where we were from.

"England," we replied.

"Woooooow"

"Do you get many people from the UK here?"

"Uh-uuuuh", she slowly shook her mesmerised head, as though we had just beamed down from the starship Enterprise looking for a cup of Earl Grey.

Leaving The Land That Time Forgot behind, we enjoyed an agreeable drive along the byway and eventually reached the majesty of the greatest of the Great Lakes. Here we made our way north along the coastal road until we reached our home for the next couple of nights. I had selected this particular location because it was very close to the shore but without the price tag that comes with some of the larger resorts along the road. We were not disappointed, as our second floor balcony was just yards from the ocean and you could hear the soothing sound of the waves crashing on the rocks. Indeed, it reminded us a lot of our all-time favourite stay, the Hanalei Resort Colony in Kauai, at least if you ignore the weather. And the flora. And the fact that we were next to a freshwater lake and not the Pacific Ocean. And that I didn't have a guildmate living down the road.

Unlike the previous day, Friday did not have a promising start. A lot of rain had fallen overnight and the forecasts were all calling for more of the same throughout the day along with thunderstorms to boot. Our plan had been to hire a couple of bikes and spend the hours riding along the lake shore on Highway 61. But I certainly don't relish being caught out in lightning even in our weedy maritime climate back home, and our storms are just My Little Pony tea parties compared with the Armageddon that is 4000 millibars of all-American thermal convection. So plans would clearly have to change.

But first things first, it was time for a shower. Unfortunately the one in the hotel had clearly been designed for pygmies with the jet coming up barely above my knee (perhaps the Seven Dwarves had a loyalty card there). This required having to make various uncomfortable yoga moves to get the water on various parts of my body, something that my knees didn't appreciate. On top of that the water had a tendency to grow intermittently hot and it also seemed quite soft so that it took a long time to rinse off the soap. Of course, I could just have sat down, but the tub was not draining very quickly so the water level was gradually rising, which was annoying. Why it was not draining I wasn't sure. I had opened the plug a bit but had feared to do much more than that because I think I had broken the sink plug at Drilleapolis by using too much force or twisting it the wrong way - we ended up having to manually lift it up each time we wanted to drain it.

So here we have another example of the complexities of modern life. When I was a wee nipper, bathrooms and toilets were very simple. And when I say "toilets" I am talking about what you call restrooms, which has always seemed odd to me because I have never found anything remotely relaxing about them; stressrooms would be more appropriate. But taps always used to be like horizontal ship's wheels and if you turned them one way then the water would come out, turn them the other way and it would stop. Plugs were rubber things which you shoved into a hole if you wanted to fill the basin and you just yanked the chain they were attached to if you wanted it to drain. And soap was just a bar that you rubbed between your hands to get a lather. But now taps come in myriad designs with handles that can have a 360 degree movement in potentially any direction and all sorts of different ways of actually turning on the water. Plugs are activated by various knobs and buttons or require pressing or manipulating in various ways. And soap is usually in some sort of box on a wall. To get the stuff out you need to press the front or sides or top, or in some cases just put your hands underneath it, or waft them in front of it in some occult manner. And who knows how they do it in Japan? Voice activated no doubt: "Bless me with yaar cleansing, honaaraable dispensaar".

If you ever visit Iceland, or change flights there en route to Europe, don't miss the opportunity to try the toilets downstairs at Keflavik airport. They are the Saks Fifth Avenue of human waste disposal facilities; the individual cubicles (no urinals for men) are the size of small hotel rooms with washbasins in each. But these basins have special kinds of taps made by Dyson which both dispense water and act as a dryer. As yet I have been unable to get the dryer thing to work. Caroline has explained what you do, which reminds me of some Egyptian priest praying to Ra in a Hollywood epic, but I will just forget the next time I'm there. And when I visited on the way here I could not get the soap to come out the receptacle. When you are not sure how to make something work, you don't know whether you are just doing the wrong thing or the wretched contraption has broken down or run out of whatever it is trying to give you. *sighs*. The world used to be soooo much simpler.

Anyway, with ablutions out the way it was time for breakfast. I was always told (and agree) that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Unfortunately, here it is the one which is the biggest pain-in-the-ass. I have already grumbled about this enough, suffice to say that the buffet in this hotel had nothing worth eating so I went hungry. And somewhat thirsty too because the tea water was barely lukewarm.

So feeling rather unhappy, unusually for me, we headed out for the day's activities. In lieu of the electrically assisted biking we decided we would first try going up the mountain at Lutsen via their cable car. At least, we would call it a cable car. They refer to it as a tram. To us a tram is like what you call a cable car in San Francisco. You see how easier it would have been for everyone if you lot hadn't thrown the toys out of the pram in the late 1700s? Sheesh. So we arrived shortly after they opened, bought our tickets, then headed to the start point; a plastic sign at the bottom of the steps clearly pointed the way. It was a fairly misty day near the top of the mountain at this point and the young attendant seemed surprised to see anyone. Or maybe there was another reason he wasn't expecting much traffic. Jumping up, he directed us to one of the cars with a cheerful smile.

"Hey, how is it?" he asked as we made ourselves comfortable.

The ascent, which was supposed to be ten minutes but didn't really feel like it, was pleasant enough, but about two thirds of the way up we hit the clouds and visibility was largely lost. Alighting at the top, another perky youngster was waiting with a "Heeey, how was it?" greeting, and we made our way towards the main building which featured a cafe and observation deck. The view was, well, not the best (see pictures), although an improvement on the Itasca fire tower. But we thought there was a chance that the fog could clear up a bit so we decided to go and grab a drink. Inside the cafe the waitresses and kitchen staff were all sitting around looking bored and reacted with alarm at our entering. They obviously hadn't had anyone else in so far and probably suspected that we were either senior management checking up on them or inspectors from the health and safety department. We reassured the server by ordering a couple of hot chocolates and then returned to the deck, wiped down a couple of chairs with some serviettes, and sat down to take in the ambience. The mist was still as thick as ever but with the exception of the faint hum from the cable car station, it was at least peaceful.

Or so we thought. No sooner had we taken our second sip of cocoa than the din of an internal combustion engine reached our ears. It grew gradually louder, but in an uneven sort of way which suggested something was approaching up the mountain on a long and winding track. Sure enough, before long an ATV zoomed out of the mist and on it sat someone who would not have looked out of place in one of the many road construction gangs we had seen throughout our stay. Still, it was just one small vehicle. Relax! But then our spider senses really started tingling. A faint sound could be heard, which steadily grew into a clanking and whirring. We sat there numbed for what must have been nearly fifteen minutes as the racket grew ever louder. We put a brave face on it but we already knew the truth: The Minnesota State Construction Enforcement Department had found us again and had dispatched their elite alpine corps to bring us in. Even at the top of a mountain there was no escaping the Evil Empire. The confirmation came as the advanced guard appeared from the fog: an AT-AD (all-terrain armoured digger). Realising the hopelessness of our situation I gave the evacuation signal and we headed for our escape gondola.

"Heeeeeey, how was it?" beamed the youngster at the bottom. I narrowed my eyes and we made our way down the steps towards the car park. At the bottom we passed the plastic sign again, and on the side now visible to us were the words "Thank you for your patience during the construction".

We managed to make it all the way north to Grand Marais without any further Imperial entanglements, and it being past midday and our stomachs somewhat devoid of anything which could reasonably be described as food, we made our way to the Dockside Fish Market, an establishment that sold a variety of freshly caught stuff from the lake either raw or as fish and chip meals in a basket to eat in or take away. Their menu on their website proudly proclaims "Best fish-N-chips". Various reviews on the web also gush about their fish & chips. The hotel guide back in our room had an advert for it and their fish and chips. And outside the establishment itself it states "Best fish and chips in town". So I don't think there can be any confusion about what you are getting here, this is not what you Yanks normally refer to as chips. Surely nobody is going in there thinking they are getting fish & Lay's or fish & Pringles.

"One cod and chips & one herring and chips please", we told the lady behind the counter.

"When you say chips, you mean fries?" she replied.

*blank stare*

To be fair, the meal was very nice and as Caroline is not a heavy lunch eater I got to guzzle half her herring. We then spent the rest of the afternoon looking around the many gift shops in town and walking along the harbour and I won't bore you with the details.

We returned to base after picking up some dinner eats from a store so that we could watch darkness descend over the lake on what would be our last night in this hotel. I still find it hard to come to terms with the fact that this vast body of water is actually a lake and not a sea or ocean. The sky was blue with broken clouds and it occurred to us that the threatened thunderstorms had never materialized. Actually, it hadn't even rained.

Pictures of the day
1) I hope you will now think twice before dropping an EV into a wooded area.

2) Crystal clear directions.

3) An unmissable mountain vista.

4) Imperial crawlers on the north ridge.

5 & 6) There are two sides to every sign.

[Zardoz of Crete aka Kimi aka Victoria Secret]

Thanks for the share, love the pictures.

[CharGar]

Glad you finally kept us appraised of your trip.  Wow!  What a beautiful wolf!  I love these rant/raves!

[Sara Dale]

After I got married I had to travel from New Jersey back to Seattle by train. Picture number 3 looks like that exactly when we emerged out of a tunnel.  

Speaking of caves. My daughter and I drove from Fl to Idaho for a wedding.  Us and 3 kids  (8, 7, and 2 years.   While in Idaho (Jerome which is near Twin Falls) we went to the Shoshone Ice Caves.   It was very interesting and cold in there compared with the 95 degrees outside.  If your ever in the area go.

PS  I noticed your rants and phrases started with day 2   what happened to day one?

[Natalia]

Loved your travelogue.  What a beautiful wolf!

I'm so glad you enjoyed your stay on Kauai.  It was wonderful getting to meet you and Caroline!

I look forward to the next installment.  Thanks for keeping us company on your trip. We were missing you!

[Eye of Hoffs]

After I got married I had to travel from New Jersey back to Seattle by train. Picture number 3 looks like that exactly when we emerged out of a tunnel.  

Speaking of caves. My daughter and I drove from Fl to Idaho for a wedding.  Us and 3 kids  (8, 7, and 2 years.   While in Idaho (Jerome which is near Twin Falls) we went to the Shoshone Ice Caves.   It was very interesting and cold in there compared with the 95 degrees outside.  If your ever in the area go.

PS  I noticed your rants and phrases started with day 2   what happened to day one?

Thanks for the info. I am pretty sure we visited Shoshone Falls on our last trip, which went through Idaho. Must have missed the caves. And we will be staying in Idaho next year for the eclipse but not sure if we will be able to go through that part again.

The whole rant thing sort of started with the post about bread, so I ended up classing that as number one.

[kelmo]

Enjoyed the read.

[Ian James]

Hoffs shared rant 1 with me in person while his blood sugar was low. It was epic.


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[Beli Mawr]

I have to say , my wife had to have had her best laugh fest of the decade reading your rants/rave, she said she hasn't had such a fun read in years 

You should write a book about your adventures in Merica by Lady Hoffs......